"I am the Prize"

How to chat up a girl online

How to chat up a girl online Part 1. – the right attitude

Just like chatting up a girl at a party, chatting up a girl online is all about setting the right tone, the correct ambiance. This really has to come from within. Before you approach a girl, you need to ensure you’re in the right place mentally and projecting the right attitude.

Dating coach and how to chat up a girl guru Daniel Urban has been writing and coaching on these issues for many years. He has teamed up with dating-experts to research online messaging behaviours and work out the best possible approaches to women online.* Daniel sums up the right attitude in one simple statement: “I am the prize!”

“The principle, ‘I am the prize’ is all about projecting the belief that I am an attractive catch; that I am independent and know what I want; that I am also happy alone. This is what most people find attractive. To some extent the more you can convince other people that do not need love or a partner, the more likely you are to get one!”

Keep calm and carry on trying to chat up the girl

Achieving this “I am the prize” attitude is easier than it sounds and when Daniel is training his lovelorn pupils he goes right back to the basics of self-esteem and projecting positive emotions.

"A good flirt always leaves a residual positive impression behind them. The first step for our clients is to build a strong foundation of self-confidence and calm under pressure. Flirting should not be a test of courage, approaching a girl with our heart racing. Instead, it needs to take place at a playful level. This is all about the gradual reduction of anxiety while flirting. Just like a sport or a new language, this is something that can be learnt."

I am the prize = Are you good enough?

When you are chatting up a girl online it’s easy to get into the mind-set where you are the one who wants something and has to impress. But this simply isn’t true. The girl is surely also interested in finding a partner and the purpose of your message exchange is just as much about you judging her as it is her judging you.

“You should always have a positive and confident attitude. When you are messaging someone, you are not trying to convince them that you are interesting or desirable. You are trying to find out whether they are a good match. Is the chemistry right? If someone isn’t interested in you, they obviously aren’t right for you. You are the prize – THAT’S the right attitude.”

*Dainel Urban is a German based dating coach and, in collaboration with our German site singlebörsen-experten.de has written a specialist book on how to chat up girls on Facebook. Quotes here are in translation.

Image courtesy of imagerymajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net and Dennis König